I HATE the West Coast

Full disclosure: I am an old lady. Always have been. Always will be. My mom referred to me as her "little old lady" as a child and she still does.

I am happiest when I have a routine. I don't really like surprises. I have a hard time dresssing youthfully. I tend to notice trends as they're ending. And most importantly, I go to bed and wake up early.

So this series against the Diamondbacks is killing me. With games that don't start until 9:30 or 10, I barely make it through the first inning. It's embarrassing. I'm writing this during the first inning on Wednesday and I can barely keep my eyes open.

I barely noticed that Vasquez almost just pelted someone. At least I think that's what happened. I'm not entirely sure.

As an aside, I have an excuse for being so tired. I have to be at work at 7, so by 10 I'm normally pretty wiped.

What I'm trying to say is: I hate west coast series. And it doesn't end with the Diamondbacks. We're off to LA soon. I'm never going to see a full game again. Or at least it feels that way.

I don't really hate the west coast (in spite of what the title says). We went to California once. It was lovely, but I had a really hard time with the time change. So I slept most of the time. We went to Dodger stadium while we were out there. It's true what they say say: it does have a HUGE parking lot.

I guess my real issue is with time changes. Not so much the west coast. (Fun fact: China is all on one time zone.)

In other news, Mike and I are mounting a campaign to get Swisher on the All-Star team. He may not be the best, but you have to smile when you see him. He's always smiling.

I'm going to end this before I fall asleep.

Dear Nick Swisher

Dear Mister Swisher,

Thank you. I think you are the only true, blue baseball player. You clearly play for the love of the game and have so much fun doing so. For that I thank you. You treat the "Bleacher Creatures" like they're your step-brother and have a great connection with the fans.

This season, you've been on a tear. All your stats are up this year from the averages. Your BA is up almost .50 points, slugging the same. Even your OBP is up about .3 You're more valuable than an average player is (WAR at 1.8, higher than the average 1.0). You should be an all star. You're better than a lot of players out there.

Why else do I like you? You have fun and aren't afraid to show it. I think thats why you didn't prosper in Chi-town. Ozzy held you down. Now, you're with Joey Braces and the Funtime Gang. I have a picture from the World Series celebration hanging up, and you are having so much fun. Your mouth is wide open and you're flying into the pile. It was a brilliant photo, but it describes you so well.

Mr. Swisher, if you ever read this letter, know one thing. I graduate high school next year. I want you at my graduation party. You seem like one of the best people to have a non-alcoholic beverage with. I just want to pick your brain and learn all about you (in the least creepy sense of that statement). So if you are reading this, send me a sign. Hold one up at the game on July 21. We'll be there. Or reply to this post. Or send me something on Twitter. Or something like that.

Your Friend,

Mike

PS TWITTER ME @BACK2BACKNYY