Dear Mister Swisher,
Thank you. I think you are the only true, blue baseball player. You clearly play for the love of the game and have so much fun doing so. For that I thank you. You treat the "Bleacher Creatures" like they're your step-brother and have a great connection with the fans.
This season, you've been on a tear. All your stats are up this year from the averages. Your BA is up almost .50 points, slugging the same. Even your OBP is up about .3 You're more valuable than an average player is (WAR at 1.8, higher than the average 1.0). You should be an all star. You're better than a lot of players out there.
Why else do I like you? You have fun and aren't afraid to show it. I think thats why you didn't prosper in Chi-town. Ozzy held you down. Now, you're with Joey Braces and the Funtime Gang. I have a picture from the World Series celebration hanging up, and you are having so much fun. Your mouth is wide open and you're flying into the pile. It was a brilliant photo, but it describes you so well.
Mr. Swisher, if you ever read this letter, know one thing. I graduate high school next year. I want you at my graduation party. You seem like one of the best people to have a non-alcoholic beverage with. I just want to pick your brain and learn all about you (in the least creepy sense of that statement). So if you are reading this, send me a sign. Hold one up at the game on July 21. We'll be there. Or reply to this post. Or send me something on Twitter. Or something like that.
Your Friend,
Mike
PS TWITTER ME @BACK2BACKNYY
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